Insecure about work

There are times when I absolutely love my job, love working the graveyard shift and letting my geek curiousity roam free. But lately, I feel like I’m a little too grounded here at work. There was a time when my employers would give me difficult tasks to do, that no one here at work could do or had the incentive to try. They had faith in my geekiness and I would end up outshining my co-workers. I didn’t make many friends this way but it’s not my fault. I guess it never is 😉 I have a small, close group of workmates that understand me and we look out for each other. That hasn’t changed but lately I feel as if my glow has faded. I’ve spent the last few weeks doing nothing but drinking and wasting time pursuing romance and friendship. No, it’s not that I consider friendship frivolous in nature, it’s just that my own prsuit of friendship and romance is downright absurd. Maybe my expectations are too great. But that’s not important, this is about my work and what’s left of it.

The U.S. recession has hit us hard, with layoffs and aborted contracts. Our clients in the states are affected and it’s only natural we feel the burn too. This has made our company rethink their business plan, adopting various jobs that we’d normally never touch or never planned to touch. I understand these are desperate times and beggars can’t be choosers. But being a selfish individual, I’m thinking about myself more than anything. various skills long considered usless by my employers are now being utilised and co-workers that once looked up to me are suddenly given precedence. i can’t help but feel left out. I’m seriously considering resigning. This job has provided me with so much. It’s helped to anchor me during my times of depression, it’s given me the finances to pursue various goals, and even more importantly, given me the finances to help me indulge in my more than average desire for alcohol. Resignation is an absolute last ditch resort for me and lately, I feel myself moving closer to making such a decision. I feel less special, less valuable, and I feel cheated. You see, I’m also a freelance web designer/programmer (more programming than design). There’s always been this informal agreement between my employers and I…if anything pops up in said field, pass it on my way. But it’s not happening…or at least I feel like it’s not. We have certain individuals who are now out of work but the company doesn’t want to let them go (experienced people are hard to find in Fiji) so they’re fed random jobs, including web design/programming. These are jobs that were meant for me. It’s my area of interest and I’m better at it than any of my co-workers. I also have the most experience. But the department I work for is still running and my employers don’t want me to leave it for something else. Apparently I’m really good where I am right now…a great employee and it would be harmful to the company If I were shifted elsewhere.

Network monitoring is a boring job and I have enough hours to myself while on shift to do something else. I can take on the extra load of making a website while still performing my NOC responsibilities but I guess that leaves the others with nothing to do. I don’t honestly care. These guys haven’t worked on websites…they’ve done networking and should therefore take jobs based on their area of interest and their qualifications. Let them take those four out of five available contracts and leave me the one. I was promised my talents and expertise would be utilised when the time came but all I see is a bunch of n00bs taking away the tasks I’m meant to have!

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~ by nav on December 7, 2008.

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