Waiting…

•June 18, 2009 • Leave a Comment
Consumed by the harsh light of my monitor, I sit here waiting for you to wake.
Eyes glued to your contact status, willing it to turn green and signal your availability.
It’s been too long for me, too long without hearing your sweet voice, your quirky sounds and that forever habitual word you mutter.
As I’ve said before, nanoseconds to microseconds to milliseconds and so forth. Each eventual rise in magnitude making me long for you even more.
Sometimes I can hear your sweet voice, like some distant childhood memory. Jungle gyms, seesaws and happy smiles.
I shall wait a few minutes longer, burying myself in some meaningless task to pass the time. Wake soon, my love, this loneliness is hard to bear.

Consumed by the harsh light of my monitor, I sit here waiting for you to wake.

Eyes glued to your contact status, willing it to turn green and signal your availability.

It’s been too long for me, too long without hearing your sweet voice, your quirky sounds and that forever habitual word you mutter.

As I’ve said before, nanoseconds to microseconds to milliseconds and so forth. Each eventual rise in magnitude making me long for you even more.

Sometimes I can hear your sweet voice, like some distant childhood memory. Jungle gyms, seesaws and happy smiles.

I shall wait a few minutes longer, burying myself in some meaningless task to pass the time. Wake soon, my love. This loneliness is hard to bear.

Protected: My Serenity

•June 18, 2009 • Enter your password to view comments.

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Greatest pill of all

•June 17, 2009 • Leave a Comment

Failing grades

Teary eyes

Fake smiles

Sickening lies

Through the real world struggle

There be the slightest chance

A world of …

A grades

Exotic eyes

Pink smiles

Gushy sighs

Something to strive for

This pill of pills

The greatest anti-D of life

My HopeleSerenity

Blind me with your light!

•June 17, 2009 • Leave a Comment

There is this boy, possibly a young man, talking to the woman he loves via the Skype protocol. His volatile internet connection plays havoc with his cyber love life. No, I must correct that statement. This has transcended the anonymity of the internet, the cyber realm, the world wide web. From the dreary interface of his Mac’s multi-messenger client to the poorly programmed interface of Skype, his love is being communicated digitally, day after day, night after night. This love now permeates his dying heart. This paltry boy has been on a downward spiral for years and years. He has been on the path of slow suicide and now a sudden spark has gotten his pistons pumping and his engine rumbling. A sudden jolt of hope. A glimmer of happiness.

“Come into the light”

But tis not death that beckons him, it is the real pearly gates of his his world, the open arms of a short, feisty, intelligent, creative, caring and painfully erotic woman. Her online alias mirrors the one notion that has kept him alive for so long. The promise of hope. The second portion of her alias, a promise of lasting peace and tranquility. But as the white light of her embrace shines fiercely upon me, it unfortunately cannot keep the demons of old at bay. Their claws scrape at his feet, drawing blood, inflicting immense pain. So while the shining light is surely bright enough to blind, the howls of his past are painfully loud and painfully clear.

I say to you, young man, don’t let them win. Tis a chance at happiness. At long last, a possible possibility. Wouldst thou let it go? Wouldst thou let the demons win? I surely hope not. I remember a long time ago when you felt a similar light shine down on you. Was quite a bright light indeed. That light was but a candle flame when compared to the supernova before you now. Where one simply lit the cobbled stones at your feet, this supernova lights up the very night. I suppose those demons are hard to ignore with their incessant howls and clawing claws. The pain is too much at times and you fall to your knees, with clenched fists and clenched jaw. The supernova continues to shine bright, white and vibrant.Begone, you wretched creatures!

To your words of hate, I SAY THEE NAY!

To your constant degradation, I SAY THEE NAY!

To the perpetually consuming darkness, I SAY THEE NAY!

That young man, as I’m sure you’ve learnt by my slip of tense, is me. I’ve been tossed around on the roller coaster of life. Up and down, side to side. Occasionally a low flying bird smacks into my face and the debris of a decrepit ride leaves deep gashes on my forehead. I’m on a trip upward now, here’s hoping the ride continues up, up and away to that proverbial cloud number 9.

Drowning

•June 15, 2009 • Leave a Comment

Filling my lungs

This dark, deadly water

Why fight nature?

Let it pull me under

Delusions aside

Down I go

Deeper and deeper

No end in sight

Finally i see

Darkness

Death

My hope torn asunder

Past? Present? Progress? Pt. 1

•June 14, 2009 • Leave a Comment

About two years ago I hit rock bottom. A trickle of tears turned into a virtual downpour. A roaring torrent of salty water laying waste to the few good things in my life. With a barren wasteland before me I scavenged for enough food to survive each day. Time, unfortunately, did me no good. In this hellhole, where each day is a constant struggle, the lightest feather can cause an earth shattering ripple. That’s how it was for me, is for me. Day after day, a constant struggle to find reason, to justify my hope. Fiery demons living in glass bottles and aluminimum cans keeping me company. They say nice things, bad things, naughty things and haughty things. Thats what I like about the fire demons. They feed me lies. Scorched earth as rolling hills. Rotting corpses as pretty flowers. But the fire demons never stay for long. I have to lull them back with dull coins and wrinkled notes.

I can’t keep feeding the lies.

Failing once again

•May 30, 2009 • Leave a Comment

I have a massive to-do list that never seems to end. Always adding new things before I can even cross one item out. First on the agenda is getting my college assignments done. I’ve royally made a mess of college once again. It’s my own fault. Should have paid more attention and organised my time properly. Between work and school and a couple of odd freelance jobs, my days have been hectic. What do I have to show for it? Well I could go on and on about all the negative impacts but the first thing that comes to mind really is my terrible grades. I’ve essentially failed one course yet again, something which I honestly shouldn’t be failing. I’m essentially a freelance programmer and I’ve seemed to somehow fail a course on programming in C++. What’s worse is I could have passed this by simply paying more attention to it. I really need to organise my time properly. Hopefully if things go well I will have yet another chance at college, this time without any distractions. Just my mac, my love and my thoughts.